For five years, three months, and twelve days, I’d been living with a silence so thick it felt like a physical presence in my house.
I knew the exact count because I kept track of it myself, like some kind of penance I couldn’t stop performing. Every single morning, I stood in the same kitchen where our family had fallen apart and crossed off another square on the calendar hanging beside the refrigerator.
That calendar was still crooked from the day my stepdaughter Grace slammed the door so hard it rattled the magnets loose and sent three of them skittering across the linoleum floor. I’d never straightened it. Not once in five years.
I told myself it was because I was lazy, because fixing it seemed like such a small thing compared to everything else that was broken. But the truth sat heavier than that, pressing down on my chest every time I looked at it. If I fixed the calendar, if I straightened it and hung it properly, I’d be admitting that something had definitively ended. That there was a before and an after, and I was living permanently in the after.
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